Crushed

I woke up in a great mood this morning. Got up did dishes and got breakfast. After I got Hannah down for a nap, I got online to eat breakfast, my usual routine. Then it all came crashing down. Most of you will find this very silly but some of you will understand.

I went to www.weddingchannel.com. This was the site I found when planning my wedding and after we got married I started a newlywed journal there. I documented our story and our life as a newlywed. I also made some life long friends there. I journaled thru our first years of marriage including our three year struggle to have a baby and then the birth of sweet Joshua. I journaled about our moving across country, leaving the workplace, our journey to healthier living and leaving pharmaceutical drugs behind. I don't scrap book or any other memory storing, I journal. I have since 2002 and have a great collection of stories and memories to share with my children in case I'm not here to share it with them. I should say I HAD. The WC has deleted everything. All of it gone. I'm so so so crushed. I have been thinking I needed to go over there and copy it onto our hard drive for months even years. I go and check on my journal regularly, like a little baby...making sure it is still there and ok. And now it's not. And I'm not ok. I'm very very sad.