Monday, June 4, 2012

Sleep doesn't exist in hotels...

I'm convinced that something is put in hotels to keep babies from sleeping. I haven't discovered the full conspiracy yet, but I know when I do that it will be deep and dirty. The entire hotel industry is in cahoots to torture mothers of babies. I'm certain of it!! In our previous adventures with babies, I had the slightest glancing glimmer of the plot, but then I tried to rationalize it away. My first three babies didn't sleep at home, so it was plausible that maybe that was why they didn't sleep well when we traveled either. BUT, I now have definitive and verified proof. My baby that has slept through the night since she was 5 weeks old, minus three nights in March when she was cutting a bunch of teeth, won't sleep in hotels.

It hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend. We traveled in early May and she didn't sleep and then again this weekend, and again, no sleep! My investigative portion of my brain leapt into over drive. SOMETHING IS AMISS!!!!! I'm sure it must be in the air vents. Maybe they are pumping the entire hotel with an odorless, tasteless never before heard of by the public phermone that keeps babies constantly aggitated. Or maybe it is that exceptionally ugly "carpet" they use in hotel rooms. I mean, even the nicest resorts have that same consistently awful carpet. I'm sure they have that stuff lined with a backing that emits special waves only heard/felt by dogs and babies....this would also explain why the few hotels I've been in with with dogs were also unpleasantly filled with barking. Or it could be those cute little soaps they have out in the bathrooms. Actually, this one makes more sense than them all. I mean, who really uses them? No one wants to mess up the pretty soap, you always just get the packaged shower soap out instead. The "pretty soaps" must be made by a special forging process that radiates constant light flashes somewhere only on the spetrum for babies to see!

Yes, YES! I have them figured out!

I'm certain that it couldn't be that these poor babies are totally off of their normal routine. Or all of the rustling from 5 other bodies rolling around on noisy over laundered sheets could be the culprit. It certainly couldn't be her sleeping in a rattly, small pack N play instead a luxuriously large and padded crib. It definitly couldn't have anything to do with me drinking caffeiene to ward off unfortunate dozing episodes in the pool or nasty exhaustion migraines. In fact, none of these explanations would make any logical sense at all!!

I'll continue to do my due diligence to break the silence of this hidden industry secret and report back when I have more data!

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